Home Truth
It was the smell of rain that I missed the most
air jordan 12 and the sound of a lawnmower and the waft of cut grass. It was being out in the open and standing bare foot! Blue skies
buy watches part and parcel of it all; the thunder that would blast over and leave the coming
tn air of a tropical sundown, an evening of barbecues, of warm pools, beer splattering on concrete.
The bed awaiting, a vest, a body glistening
requin nike from perspiration and a sleep of pillows constantly changing sides, a mosquito in the ear. Sleepless
air classic nights that were all you knew. And then, one day I left it behind. I moved to a city, to grim faced pallid movements, and there
chaussure air I became with them a ghost on the sidewalks. Dimly, ambling along with my face down, watching my steps and hurrying towards my quotidian activities.
Winters I spent indoor in solace. My flat mates
nike air max 90the friends I had worked day and night. They were accustomed to leaving the soul behind, the need
replica fendi handbag for money was so official. I would spend nights in the strange house, with creaks of a wall I did not know, and sit by the phone that our landlord had locked, and think
aseptic valves of conversations of the past, of my mother's voice ringing, of my best friend whom I would lose contact with, and I would write letters, letters I
rosetta stone french would never send, letters that clutched the truth—that only I knew. I would cry, tears staining the ink, a smudged idea of love.
I was temping then, doing mindless data entry, tapping
lv wallets words into a computer, and moving on wondering what worth there was, and how to find it. My flat mates would come home
jordan 9 just before midnight—Mark and Craig, my two best friends. I would smile inwardly and
air jordan 2 outwardly and make them tea, a sandwich, sit with them and live their lives, hear their stories, flourish
jordan 5 in company. Sleep would be eschewed, I yearned for comfort, and company eased the etching of loneliness.
I drank a lot, I had a job and I met people, and I
air jordan 2 continued my ambling in a city that was not mine. Every Friday my work offered free drinks and I catapulted towards the bar, I sipped 8)ferociously at the wine, the beer, I got horrifically
jordan 12 drunk and so the person that I was not, but so yearned to be would come out.
She, loud, vivacious, articulate would spend the evening
air jordan 7conversing with strangers, laughing and sometimes, flirting! I seemed to step out of myself and watch in amazement. After drinks, I would stumble to
jordan 10 the Palladium to meet Mark and Craig—they both worked there as ushers. I would arrive as they were finishing work and we would sit in the bar and I would continue, I would drink.
One night we fell drunk into the house. I lit a cigarette; I sat down and
air jordan 11 my mind triggered off dull thuds of depression. I went to the bathroom and in a mode of translucent mania I took out a razor blade and
jordan 23 in numb motions slowly cut at my wrist, tears streaming down my face, I stopped as soon as I started, my aim was wrong-it was in the name of attention, except I would tell nobody, the attention was all to myself.
And so, I stood on the tube, Dollis Hill to Marylebone and I stared at the scars on my wrist. The scars of
mbt shoes on salestupidity that only I knew of, I was entranced, as though it were not me—it's never me. I swayed to the motion of the train, the city was corrupting me, my soul was slowly bitten, I wanted to yell out my mind, but it all seeped inwards, I was boring myself with my own pleas.